The soul is a part of our being where our emotions are based out of, and our soul is vulnerable. My soul has been vulnerable and longing for a mate since my husband David died of lung cancer at the ripe old age of 43. Even though our marriage had been bumpy, I loved being married and sharing life with someone else. To compound this longing, I’ve had several people share with me that they sensed God was going to bring me a husband. Through the past 12 years since my husband’s death, here have only been a handful of men who have pursued me, and only one that I had a strong physical and emotional pull towards. Notice the words-physical and emotional attraction-because that is not what an intimate and healthy relationship is built on. It is just a small part of the equation for a healthy relationship.
An intimate lasting relationship is not
built on physical and emotional attraction alone
When looking for a partner that is emotionally healthy, our worlds need to be able to merge and overlap. There are a few important elements that should be a priority for women of God when looking for someone to share our lives with:
- Spiritual compatibility should be the first priority: do we share the same beliefs, theology etc.
- The man’s emotional health and his ability to love us and lead
Physical attraction can blur every line. We become very vulnerable when physically attracted to a man, because it feels so good to be attractive and wanted by a man who seems so nice, right?
Even after a lifetime of walking with the Lord, I still found how vulnerable my soul is to a man who said nice things about me, as a woman, and who “presented” himself well.
It started with a simple invite to talk on FaceBook, with a man I had known in high school. Then came an invitation to meet for coffee, which ended up with us meeting for dinner to “catch up.” I justified that this was safe and innocent, because I’d already been witnessing to the guy in our few written messages.
The problem was this: I was really attracted to him and I was already lying to myself. So when he continued to text me saying he’d like to connect again, and sent flattering messages to me, I responded sharing that I couldn’t date him or flirt with him. The text wasn’t received well, and I ended up calling him, feeling I had to explain my heart. The short version is that by the end of the conversation, I ended up saying I would go out with him.
My heart and my flesh were hungry for male attention and approval at a deeper level than I was even aware and this was “driving” my responses to him. I let my mind and my flesh do the talking and ignored the little warning that said “tell your close friends, be accountable” . My first clue that God was sending me a warning: I had already begun to “hide.”
By the next night when he texted again, I knew I was in trouble. I was divided: Part of me said to call a friend to pray, and another part of me was said “I can handle this!” By the time I went to bed, I was crying out to the Father to save me from my foolishness and to rescue me in my weakness. He did – but not how I expected.
The next morning I opened my computer to check emails, and there was a note from a dear friend sharing a dream she’d had about me hours before.
The Lord is waiting to rescue and deliver us. The question is, will we let Him?
Have there been times in your life when you embarked on a journey that you knew was not the best for you, but your flesh rose up, causing you to make choices that were not God’s best for you?
This post was first seen at www.TheSingleMOMKC.org where Laurie serves as the Pastoral Director. You can read more about Laurie's work with The Single MOM KC by clicking here.